Sending a blog post to heaven, Happy Birthday Mom!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!

YOU WOULD BE 65 TODAY.

If we could only send a blog post to heaven, wouldn't it be grand? I was thinking, You have been gone for 36 years, this November. That means that you have missed 36 of my birthdays. I have celebrated 36 years as a motherless daughter. About 20 years ago, I set aside time on my own birthday to honor you. I realized that my birthday was your BIRTH-DAY. It was a joyous moment every time that you gave birth to one of your 5 children. It occurred to me that birthdays should be as much of an honoring of the mother as the child right? Well, that may not work for everyone, but for me it became a tradition. Every year that my children have a birthday, I tell them their BIRTH story. I go over every minute of the time that led up to their birth. I wish I knew my birth story from you. Dad tried to explain it but you know how he is. (A little sketchy on details.) 

I was giving more thought to your birthday, and remembered how incredibly you always celebrated our birthday's. You made a 3 layer round chocolate cake, covered in home made chocolate frosting. Then you topped it with those sugar cake letters, and a candle for every year. You had a white milk glass cake plate that proudly displayed your art, your over the top, celebration of your babies!  I did a rough calculation, and realized that you baked 22 cakes in your 8 years of motherhood. It's crazy to think that you only had 8 years with your children.

So then Im wondering why a cake and candles? Where did it originate? I found this explanation, and  loved it. 

"The tradition of placing candles on birthday cake is attributed to early Greek, who used to place lit candles on cakes to make them glow like the moon. Greeks used to take the cake to the temple of Artemis. Some say that candles were placed on the cake because people believed that the smoke of the candle carried their prayers to gods. Others believe that the custom originated in Germany where people used to place a large candle in the centre of the cake to symbolize ‘the light of life."

(It all started here, on this day. 5 babies would make up your legacy)

Isn't that the best! I am not the worlds best baker. Im not sure I could manage a 3 layered cake. But today in honor of you, I am going to buy the best cupcake I can find, and blow out a candle. When I send that smoke to heaven, it will be infused with my prayers of love and gratitude for you! Thank you Mom for surviving your birth. You were not supposed to make it. 3 months early. You were 1 pound 3 ounces of fierce survival instincts, packed into a tiny body the size of a soda can.  Thank you for giving birth to me, and my 4 siblings. We are all miracles of you! Thank you for celebrating us and making us feel special. I found old photos of each child with their special cake. Im so glad we have them. 

 This is the FIRST cake! Me on my first birthday. It brings a tear. You loved me so much, for that I feel so blessed.

Celebrating my first birthday in our brand new house that Dad built. This is before the sample patchwork carpet went in. Im in love.  Did Dad buy me my first football? 

I have a memory of this cake. On my 2nd birthday, you were in the hospital delivering my brother. From this day forward, we would always share a birthday, and you would make 2 special cakes.

Mikel with his cake. He wants to rip into it. I love seeing the old patchwork carpet samples. We used to play games, hopping from color to color. 

Curtis enjoying his birthday cake outside in the driveway. Dang it I wish we had that cake platter!!

Lane also gets to have his cake outside. Maybe it was less messy? 

Tami, your baby turning one. As I look at this cake, I realize that it's the only one you were able to make for her. You died only 10 months later.  I know that Tami will cherish this photo. You were able to give all 5 children a special cake. Thank you MOM!! 

So Mom I honor you today!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!  My inspiration is to bake a 3 tier cake for my first born child in July. Ill let you know how it goes, and I will take pictures. Ill send another blog post to heaven!! 

I AM, a 10 year old sharing his wisdom Stunning words!

This is my beautiful boy. His soul is old. His words settle deep in your bones. He was only 10 when he wrote this reflection. He has a haunting remembering, a wisdom of the ancestors. When he was in my womb, I knew that he had magic to share. What a lucky mom I am to care for this inspired young soul. 

I AM

BY: Connor Martindale.

I am a wonderer seeking for my freedom.

I wonder about the animals in desperate need.

I hear roaches croaking at me.

I see the fireflies flying around me

I want to be a believer.

I am a wonderer seeking for my freedom.

I pretend I’m in world war 2.

I feel blood pouring out of me.

I touch the nurse as I’m in desperate need.

I worry that I’m going to die.

I cry as I see that I’m a survivor.

I am a wonderer seeking for my freedom.

I understand that I will die someday.

I say I’m happy.

I dream about my past life.

I try to be a good man.

I hope that I’m right.

I am a wonderer seeking for my freedom.

Reminisces of a Motherless Daughter...

May, its a lovely time of year where I live. I am able to witness a grand re-birthing of slumbering flowers, trees and grass, colors burst forth from little balls that stretch and unfold into petals reaching for the sun. Watching the world wake up and come alive is such a miracle. Watching the birds gather sticks and twigs to build their homes is an effort of industry. I always hope they will find a branch on one of my trees worthy to lay their eggs. May is also the month when we celebrate our Mothers, and the month my Mother was born. Its a bitter sweet holiday. My mothers legacy and purpose in life was simple yet monumental. She only wanted to be a mother, and raise her children. She wanted lots of babies, she had lots of love to share. She was taken from us before we were able to have many memories. I am living her life. I am raising my babies, being a part of their joys, sorrows and life's milestones. Ive been there for them every day after school for 21 years. Im lucky, Im blessed, I miss my mom.  I love being celebrated on mothers day, I love being with my kids. I also open that little door in the center of my heart, that holds the vulnerable earthly longing for the mother who is responsible for everything good in my life. I wish I could hug her, and break bread with her. I wonder what our conversations would be and imagine that she would light up with joy seeing her grandchildren. I let the tears build puddles in my eyes, until they spill out and roll down my cheeks. I indulge in my moment of missing the mother that I cannot touch. I feel the air around me tighten, and a warming swirl wraps around my shoulders like a big hug from the part of my mother that still lives. I offer gratitude. My journey through life has been hard, downright dark at times, but If I know any thing at all it is this. My greatest insights and growth have come from sitting in the dark, negotiating that place of pain. It is through the cracks that the light pours in and perspectives shift, then and only then life changes! Sometimes I wish that I were not a motherless daughter, I wish I could fill the void with experiences that I see other women share. I was only 8 when she left. The only way I can come close to that knowing is through my experience being a mother myself. I know how deep the love for my children flows, It is so rooted into my center, a bond that could never be broken. It's from this place of my own mothering that I can imagine what having a mother must feel like. In the here and now of today, its good enough! Im grateful for the perspective that offers this knowing. If I could say something to her and knew that she could hear me it would sound something like this: "Mom, thank you for giving me life, and the opportunity to show up with a purpose. I choose to live my life, and create a legacy worthy of your praise. I have taken my mission of chain breaking seriously. I strive to be better, to be stronger, and to have insane courage along my journey. I know you guide me from where you are. You are everywhere that your children roam. You assist us all. What we call miracles, are fueled by that strong mothering force that continues to pulse through our veins. Thank you mother for leaving a legacy to be worthy of and proud to expand. I miss you crazy bad, I love you to the moon, and 100 million. love ME, the girl you call TRESA pronounced TREE-sa." I am she the girl who loves trees, and nature, my name is perfect, it's spelling is special and magical and full of meaning. It is my song, I love that it came from you!! 

me 2 months before her death.

An excerpt from my book "Speaking your truth"

I found escape in the crevices of my imagination. I believed that there was a sacred contract made between my mother and her children. I imagined that she knew her life would be short. She came to give us life, to create a legacy that would change the future. She promised us that after she died, she would never be gone. I imagined her as a constant companion that I could call my angel. She would protect us from danger and help us navigate our way through life. She knew it would feel like an impossible journey, but she promised that we would be surrounded by her love, and that we would rise up as we each earned our wings and learned to fly. 

I knew the message that told me I would be a “chain breaker” was a significant part of this contract and a very important piece of my purpose. With this belief, I knew that my life was important. I had my own holy grail that needed to be discovered and the journey to find this treasure would define not only my life but forge a new path for future generations.

This may have started as an imagined story in my mind, but over time it became real. It was my elixir of courage, tincture of strength, and potion of forgiveness. I had to give up hope that my past could ever look any different. I had to forgive myself for hating the adults that had been in charge. I learned that I’d had magic powers all along. The power was realizing that I could be in charge of my own life and script it any way I wanted. For years I searched, trying to understand the mystery of the message that was on a loop inside my brain. “You are a chain breaker.” 

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! 

Two Years Post Op

It's an incredible moment realizing how dramatically my life changed two years ago. Double jaw surgery is not for the faint of heart. It is a warrior that steps onto this path and gets to this place of healing. I celebrated this year, by checking off another bucket list adventure. I have lived in Utah my entire life, yet somehow, getting to the slot canyons has eluded me for 43 years. I have always wanted to take my camera and capture the magic that I have seen and heard of, but never taken into my own bones as a memory. It was over spring break that we headed to Escalante Utah, home of some astounding narrows. I hired an expedition guide to take us somewhere magical. My son Connor, injured his shoulder, and wasn't able to do the more adventurous canyoneering tour, so we had to down  grade our day just a titch.  I didn't realize that repelling down the face of a cliff was part of the journey, but I did some deep digging finding the courage to be brave and try something new. I figured If I could throw my body out of an airplane at 13,000 feet strapped to a man, I could certainly throw the same body off of a red rock cliff strapped to a shrub bush, (and a man as well). It was an adrenaline rush, and so much fun that I double dipped and did it twice!!  

Life after jaw surgery does return to normal. It takes longer for some than others, but my status 2 years later looks like this: 

I wear my retainer every single night!! (teeth do still move don't mess it up by being lazy)

I have 100% feeling on the outside of my face.

My upper gums feel a little bit numb, not all the way not really even a bother.

There is a little spot on the side of my tongue that goes numb from time to time. I know that if I wear the retainer, the numbness goes away. It's not an all the time situation, more random.

My bite is strait, I love my smile, I can chew my food, my joints no longer hurt. I am so happy that I chose this surgery, and all of the misery that came with it. It reminds  me over and over again, that our greatest learnings and accomplishments in life may just be buried deep in a muck that we must wade through with courage and surrender. We sometimes have to take a risk, take a chance, and trust that we will grow more than we thought possible. To those of you just starting, in the middle of, or recovering from this process, remain hopeful, and as positive as you can. Remember that there is light that sometimes can only shine through the rough cracks. Know that you are stronger than you know!  God bless you all, and heres to 2 years post op!!

Break the chain so the chain doesn't break you!

From that place of the mythic, or analogy, I think this image shows us what fragments of our soul look like when we hang on to the past.  This branch started from the ground as a little green bud. As it looked up to the sky calling for the sun, it began to grow.  Up, up, up getting bigger and stronger.  Weaving in and out of chain links, it continued to climb. It became entangled in the links, and could not let go, so it grew around the metal cross roads.  One day, the metal fence became so imbedded in the center of the branch, it could no longer grow. It stopped looking to the sun, and eventually died.  This is what remains of the journey this branch made. 

Im reminded of similar moments in my life, when the woundings of others embedded deep into the center of my bones. The brain chatter on loop in my mind, keeps a vice grip on the pain. It slowly deteriorates levels of vitality. But unlike the branch, I have the ability to let go.  Letting go of the past is not easy. Sometimes it feels good to hang on, like a guilty pleasure. If we are to continue our growth, it is so vital to take steps to re-frame our perceptions, and move on.  What are we to do?  I talk about this process in my book "Speaking Your Truth."  I am sharing an excerpt from my story, that shows how I was able to break the chains, instead of the chains breaking me! It is a journey that continues to this day, and with proper perspective, we can all heal the wounds of our past, and look to the scars as a gift and triumph. 

"I would spend a lifetime recovering from the collateral damage of death, abuse, divorce, abandonment, and neglect. This moment changed who I was. A part of my soul died, and simultaneously, the birth of the survivor and self-made woman took root in the core of my being. 

 I had to give up hope that my past could ever look any different. I had to forgive myself for hating the adults that had been in charge. I learned that I’d had magic powers all along. The power was realizing that I could be in charge of my own life and script it any way I wanted. For years I searched, trying to understand the mystery of the message that was on a loop inside my brain. “You are a chain breaker.” 

Clarity and understanding began bubbling to the surface when I became a mother. I started to see how my children were living a life with entirely different lenses and that the ancestral cycle of abuses handed down for generations could start the process of healing. I didn’t want to be known as the victim of a sad story. I want to be remembered as a survivor who rose up and would not be defeated. When I fall down and think I can’t get up, I feel my mother picking me up, dusting me off, and whispering to me, “You are breaking that chain.”

I can see broken links lying on the ground every time I share a story of my youth with my children. It is so unfamiliar to them, and when I see their confusion, I can feel light shining in the once dark canyons of my bones. The horrendous deeds of my past have been my greatest gifts and teachers. I honor my lessons and hope to inspire others to honor theirs."

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, and how you can still come out of it.” ~Maya Angelou

Find the lesson

Offer gratitude

Forgive yourself

Do better

Forgive the offender, and remember...This does not mean that you need to keep them in your life. You release them from your soul, understanding that they are on their own journey. Setting them free, really sets you free! 

CARPE DIEM

SEIZE THE DAY!

7 ways to be a better human

I had to come up with 7 personality traits for a psyc. class. Im sharing them here in hopes that they may be of service as we all navigate our lives as individuals, and raising our beautiful children. 

1- 3 Daily gratitudes. At the end of each day, find 3 things that went right that were good. This can be as simple as “It was great weather today.” Be in the habit of writing them down. Participate in this exercise on what seem like the worst days. Finding something to be grateful for can lighten the load of the heaviest days. This is great to do with kids around the dinner table, or after school. It may require assistance at first. Help them find  things at school that worked for them that day. ex; I loved our lunch today. I played a new game at recess. My teacher told me “good job.” I got all of my spelling words right. It is my belief that if we can teach our children to be grateful, they may be more gracious and optimistic adults. They will also be able to deal with disappointments, in a more effective manner realizing that there is always a light to be found, even in the darkest of days. 

2- Be creative; Find a unique way to express yourself. Commit to exploring creative arts at least twice a month to start with. Try taking classes. Explore with children different mediums that spark their creativity. Get messy, think big, think outside of the box. Tapping into the creative muse that is in all of us, sparks the divine brilliance that we all are. It is so important to explore and have fun. Make new art, create new ideas. Embody the art of feeling, and expression, creating moods and feelings in magical new ways. Allow kids to blow bubbles, draw with chalk on the sidewalk, make forts, and reinvent the cardboard box. Let them jump in puddles, and make mud pies. All of these expressions are bound to ignite the force of creation in a young soul.

3- Work hard/ be fearless; Always do your best. Teach children to follow through with commitments. Before signing them up for a sport or activity, make sure they know what they are doing, and then let them know that they must follow it through. Give them chores, that are appropriate for their age. Teach them to be thorough and show them how to do their work well. Help them understand that being part of a family, requires a level of service that they offer free of charge. Help young teenagers find summer jobs, so that they can learn what if feels like to work hard, and be rewarded. Let them save up for that big item that they want so badly.  Teach children to be fearless in their commitments, and beliefs. Give them space to be the unique individuals that they are. Teach them good study habits. Make sure that they learn how to work hard in areas that offer a struggle. Teach children to learn as much as possible from life, and as adults, never ever stop learning. 

4- Thoughts, feelings, and actions;  In a world full of so many distractions, and differing beliefs, it is so important to maintain empowering thoughts and feelings. When children are young, we have an opportunity to instill in them the idea that their thoughts and feelings matter. Help be an observer for a child, and interrupt negative judgments and feelings they have, and help show them how to replace it with something positive. Kids are introduced to negative thoughts at a young age, pay attention to their words. Having 3 gratitude statements each day will help train the mind to remember the positive. When our thoughts and feelings are in alignment with our highest good, our actions will also be represented in integrity. This is a powerful life skill to learn and practice.

5- Practice non judgment; we all have to judge situations, and behaviors of others. Teach children from a young age, that every person has their unique trials. They are making choices that will teach them the greatest lessons they need to learn. We may still show kindness to those who are choosing badly, (as we label it.) In that moment we can find gratitude that theirs is not our path. If we can teach children to honor all humans exactly where they are, then they will be taught the practice of giving and receiving love. Its ok for them to learn that boundaries are important and we don't have to invite danger into our life. It’s an important balance to judge a situation, and not a person. To allow others to continue on their journey but not entangle them in ours. Teach children to pray for those that are suffering, and know that sometimes that is all we can do. Teach children to behave so that they are harmonious to the affairs of others and the events around them. Teach them by setting this example. When others are being judged and criticized help the children to see you as an adult be an example of non judgment. Help children look for the light in all beings, even though it may seem very dim. 

6- Reflection, and connection to nature. This is a very personally empowering trait. By learning to reflect, and connect to nature, we will come to know the truth of who we are in our uniqueness. From this place we will learn to stand in the world, speaking our own truth, and shining the light of who we are in all of our greatness and potential. Finding peace in nature, provides a meditation and reflection. Often ones soul will emerge in this solitude. Take children on hikes, and into the deserts. Let them explore the wonders of the earth, the stones, the animals, the trees and beaches. Take them to these places and watch their creativity blossom, observe their natural connection and reverence. Teach them about the importance of reflection and deeper connection. Have them leave their electronics alone while they explore and discover a new trail, or lake or sea shell. Answer their questions, because there will be questions. When their reflections are deep, go into that place with them, be a guide and let them know that they are in a powerful and creative place. As adults, find time to explore and be still. Notice, reflect and have gratitude. Look inside and see the profound being that you are. Make this a holy practice. 

7-  Give and receive love; A child can be taught this from an early age. As an adult, set the example of giving love to those who need it. Provide powerful opportunities for service. Find those in need of love, and find ways to fill the void. Allow children to see the suffering of others, and teach them that simple kindness, will spread a ripple. Teach them to be on the lookout for peers who are alone and sad, encourage them to be kind and inviting. And be willing to receive love back. Giving love feels good, so to be in the highest service, we need to allow others the opportunity to love and serve us. That way the blessing becomes a flow, in both directions. Provide a safe place for children to express their sadness,  and in that space, let them feel the healing power of love. As they learn to receive, teach them how to give.

Carpe Diem 

Seize the day!

Finding your Ripple

photo: Tresa Martindale

From that magical moment that we are born, we have it. Yes, every single human is born with an extraordinary gift something that we all share, and yet is as unique as our fingerprint.  What is your ripple? When you throw a rock into a still pond, you will notice concentric circles start to spread, building momentum and volume as they travel to the edge. The day you were born, your first ripple started. You added presence to a family, regardless of what it looks like, or the birth order if you share siblings. Newtons third law of physics says that,  "Every action has an equal and opposite reaction." Some ripples are big, there are humans on our planet who are able to heave actions the size of boulders, and create waves, while others may create ripples. As my photo illustrates, a tiny drop of water is able to produce a ripple.  It doesn't matter the size of your ripple, but rather the level of consciousness that is underneath it. We are all connected, and we all have a force. Some ripples may not be of the highest level of intention, some ripples may hurt. How can we set out on our journey every day, creating ripples of connection, inspiration and hope? 

~Make personal improvements. Do better, be better.
~Remember that I AM statements are powerful. Choose them wisely I AM BEAUTIFUL!
~Forgive yourself first, and forgive others. Keep your personal power intact.
~When you are feeling down, Serve others. When you are feeling Fabulous, Serve others!
~Find 3 things every day to be thankful for. Gratitude will shift the impact of your ripple!
~Exercise  your creative muscles, Paint, draw, sing, dance, laugh, photograph, hike etc. 
~Eat good food! 
~Spend time with someone you love.
~Meditate, find stillness and listen. Do yoga, pray.

Below is a post that honors our friend Marvin. His ripple will continue for generations, as he gifted our Charity, $500.000 dollars. This single donation, will create a foundation that will change the life's of children yet to come. Its easy to recognize the big ripples, but the small ones have an impact that is equal. You never know how far your simple acts of kindness may travel. Use your on line "Real Estate" for good. We have access to the world, lets be conscious about the messages we send and the ripples we create. Get up, get out there, and find your Ripple!!

Carpe Diem
Seize The Day!!

Marvins 50

Honoring our dear friend Marvin, by donating funds to pay for "Marvins Light" that will be illuminated every time the new Corner Canyon HS achieves a victory! Marvin, you live on!!

Marvin Elston was born in 1933, in small- town Missouri in the heart of what Time Magazine has labeled the “Silent Generation.” He grew up as the suffocated child between two of the most horrific events in world history: the Great Depression and World War II. Following high school and an early elementary education in a one- room schoolhouse, Marvin enlisted in the military as a way to escape the small town claustrophobia. After four years of service in the US Air Force, he was able to qualify for the GI bill, which afforded him an education in electrical engineering.

Marvin's personality was digital and factual. He worked hard, saved all of his money, and lived a very frugal life despite the extraordinarily large bank account that he had squirreled away. He took the city bus around town to avoid the rising cost of fuel, shopping for bargains and using coupons. Marvin was one of two children. He never married and his childless brother passed away in his early 50’s of colon cancer. Marvin’s introverted personality made him the town’s most eligible bachelor, but he never married.

He spent his time working hard as an oceanographic engineer at sea, and in his later years, he continuously traveled around the world on container and cruise ships for up to 6 months at a time. With no immediate or extended family, the John Martindale family became his surrogate family. They spent time with him at his home on the sandy beaches of San Diego several times a year, and he would travel to Utah to spend the summers with them.

Being around the Martindale family, especially their young children, opened him up to a different way of living life. The Martindales are much more outspoken and verbally communicative, and Marvin was pressured to step out of his silence, from time to time, and share his stories.

Marvin had determined that he would gift his entire estate to the University of Missouri where he obtained his engineering degree.This is a common way to pass on an estate, absent any family or children.

 Marvin was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in 2005, mirroring his brother’s fate. Many medical advances and treatments prolonged his life for seven additional years. The cancer continued to spread throughout his body at a consistently slow pace. Towards the end of his days, the Martindales began speaking to him about leaving a legacy. It seemed like a foreign concept initially. Marvin was such a loner; it hadn’t registered with him that his life had value, meaning, and that every ripple mattered to others. The Martindales discussed several charities that could benefit from his money, leaving a mark of great service on the future, and setting an example for the family’s children who had come to love and look up to him as “Uncle Marvin.”

In the last days before his passing, Marvin left a sizable percentage of his estate, in the care of John. He was to use this money for a charity near and dear to him, Mountain Shadows Community Homes in San Diego, which is a supervised independent living facility for adult children with developmental disabilities. These residents are able to live an independent life in a home with structured activities and community.

The sizable donation to this organization will change the future of not just this generation, but those who are yet to come. In addition to leaving a living legacy with Mountain Shadows, John was appointed as steward over a sum of money to be used for what we now coin “Marvin's 50.” Each donation is like a pebble thrown into a still pond. The ripple begins at the point of impact, but as it travels, it journeys to the edges in all directions. One memorable moment occurred when John was traveling on business in Houston, Texas, just weeks after Marvin's passing. John, just off a plane and was walking out of a CVS Pharmacy, when a man in the shadows called out asking for money. John said, “I ignored him, as I walked quickly through the parking lot, but as I opened the car door, I was prompted to look back and ask what he needed. He came running to me, still

with his hospital discharge wristband, bag of belongings and bloody clear tape attached to his chest. He said, “Sir, I need $40”. No beggar has ever asked for a specific amount of money, it is always spare change. John was taken aback by his request and asked why he needed exactly $40.

He said that his wife had died a few months back and that he had health issues requiring attention at the hospital, but he realized his kids could not tend to themselves more than a few days so he checked himself out, AMA (Against Medical Advice). “I need to feed my children. They have school in the morning and my 14- year- old daughter needs personal care products,” he exclaimed. What homeless person can make up that kind of story? John felt compelled to believe that his request was true.

John rarely carried cash in his pocket, but it just happened that he had a $50 bill in a front pocket. John gave it to the man. He did not get his name, but wished he had. They just sat in the darkened parking lot at 10 o’clock at night hugging each other as the man further explained. “I called out to you as you left the store, but assumed that you did not hear me. I asked God at this moment of desperation to send me an angel to help me in my dire need. Please God, send me an angel. Then you turned around, sir”. As they parted company and John drove off, suddenly he just hit the brakes, slumped over and cried. He shouted aloud, “Is that you Marvin?” He then knew that it was Marvin who had prompted him to turn around in the parking lot. It was Marvin who was the angel.

Now, John carries an extra $50 in his pocket of Marvin’s money and prays that Marvin directs him to someone in need.

The Martindales write, “Our family has had the gift of creating ripples with Marvin’s 50, time and time again. When funds were needed for the Victory Light at the new high school in Draper, that familiar prompting came knocking once again. Every time that light shines, our family, and the people of Draper will know of Marvin. He spent time in this community and as a homeowner in Big Cottonwood Canyon, paid taxes to our schools. We feel honored to bestow this memory and living legacy of a man who continues to live through the greenbacks that represent a life of hard work, and frugal living. We believe that as we leave legacies of our friend in the places where he spent time, it is lifting the curse of the silence that he carried like a yoke for an entire generation of post- war, depression- era children. The days of children being educated in one- room schools like Marvin are over. Today, we leave our children with the gift of superior education and with the opportunity to spread those ripples to our children's children. Let the light of Corner Canyon High School shine as a symbol of opportunity for excellence in education, sport, and citizenship. May we realize that we are all connected, and may we all be inspired to create ripples that will change the future.”

Reflections from my son...

Reading through my old blog I found this post

Connors Reflections from 2009, 9 years old

Sunday night, sitting on the bed, Connor came into my room, somber and melancholy, this is what came out of his mouth (nearly word for word) my son is a very deep thinker, an old soul.....

"Mom I was just thinking, about how I have all these nice things, nice parents and good friends, and the animals that live on earth that I think that are cool. I think about how the pioneers settled the land for us and how all the army men are out there risking their lives so that we can be free. (tears now streaming down his face) Our earth is so nice. I don't like construction guys who build 5 star hotels and ruin the habitat of the animals. I think about these things all of the time. I'm happy that Thomas Edison made the light bulb so that I'm not afraid of the dark. Mom where are our ancestors from?" I said Denmark, England and a few from Scotland. "Do we have any Native Americans in our family?" "No I reply." So then I'm not American? "Well, I said, you were born in America so you are American."  "But my heritage isn't?"

 It is quite a remarkable awakening, when you recognize the depth of soul housed in the bodies that we create.  My little guy has always communicated from this place of deep knowing.  Even as I carried him inside of my body, I sensed the richness of the soul that was miraculously becoming the son, who is my teacher. Wisdom is all around us, I'm grateful for the moments when I am plugged into the mother board  of my sons beautiful mind!

The 4 directions of love, light up your frontal lobe with Agape!

"The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere They're in each other all along."~Rumi

There are 4 kinds of love, how do these relate to you?

EROS (physical) is the Greek word for romantic, love The physical love. Eros is the passionate feeling of romantic attraction. It is also associated with infatuation and lust. That's why we say a man and a woman "fall in love." Eros ("being in love") usually just happens.   It's when "...the two ...become ONE. Eros is the Greek god of love, Cupid the winged angel with a bow and arrow.

PHILEO (emotional) is the emotional love between good friends, and the the love that causes you to have tender affection toward your mate. Phileo is also called "platonic" love. Phileo is a chosen love, because we choose whom we will befriend.  Phileo is brotherly love. Its embodiment is more on an emotional level not so much physical. Its the love that offers emotional support, and concern for one another.

STORGE (spiritual) is the Greek word for the love between family members, a deeper spiritual love. Storge is most clearly evident in the love of parents for their children. Most parents are so devoted to their children's welfare that they are willing to sacrifice and do most anything, even unto death, for the sake their children. Storge is a committed,  It doesn't expect too much, revives easily after quarrels, is unconditional, often overlooks the other's faults and frequently forgives.  Storge is the love where we can be comfortable and secure just being in the presence of one another. Just being together in comfortable closeness is often enough. 

AGAPE (unconditional, pure spirit) is the final and highest level of love.  Agape is unconditional in that it does not expect anything in return.   Agape takes a decision of our free will, a commitment to act for the good of another.  The agape love of God goes past the surface, enabling us to look deep into our mate's heart and love them for who God has made them to be despite their faults and shortcomings.  Agape is the type of love that all we are called to manifest in our lives by unconditional acts of goodwill and charity for others, especially the poor and disadvantaged. Agape: is a more difficult kind of love. It is the kind of love that requires something of us.  This is the kind of love that understands rescuing others, may not be of highest service to them. It's allowing free will, and loving them where they are. Understanding that their journey is set up for their specific learning, and we honor that. 

The symbolic circle that unites us all as one, casts a shadow of love.  Can we set aside judgment and understand that we are all on our own journey of discovery and growth?  Can we embrace AGAPE, and love unconditionally, embracing the shadow of love?  I believe that this concept merits a commitment to try. We may not always be perfect, but during the month of "LOVE" I think it's worth considering. 

Carpe Diem

Seize the day!

Photo-Tresa Martinale

"There are hundreds of paths up the mountain, all leading to the same place, so it doesn't matter which path you take. The only person waisting time is the one who runs around the mountain, telling everyone that his or her path is wrong." ~Hindu Proverb

I never tire of this reminder. As a way seer, rebel, artist, healer, spiritual seeker, rule breaker, Im reminded that my way to the summit looks different. I was alway told as a child that there was only one way to the top. It caused a wrenching twist deep inside.  I found myself sitting beside a lake full of ripples and currents. From this place I could not see my own reflection or hear my own souls calling.  I was recently driving through my home town of cache valley. I did a u turn and circle back when I saw this image in my peripheral. The still lake reflects the image. When I was able to quiet the storm inside of me, I could see my reflection, and tune into the deeper meaning of my purpose. My image shows a different path to the summit. I have been so full of gratitude in the realizing of this awareness! Go out into the world, still your current, see the reflection, and make your way however it is, to the top!!

Carpe Diem 

Seize the Day!

From discarded to regarded!

"Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here! Make. Good. Art" ~Neil Gaiman

It's never ever too late. What is that wild abandon that calls to the you, that is deep within?  Go inside her and explore. Is it a paint brush, camera, paper, pen, crochet? Do you want to explore nature, or culture?  My father picked up his paint brushes and oils at the age of 65. He built an art studio, and makes amazing recycled oil paintings. He visits his local thrift store, buying up every single old discarded oil painting with its out dated frame. He takes it into his studio for the ultimate transformation. A quick coat or two of jesso, gives him a clean slate. He then goes to town on his "Bob Ross" style landscapes, loosing himself in each and every brush stroke. He emerges from his studio, slightly high from the paint thinner, and blissed out creativity that allowed him to soar outside of time. It makes him giddy, to reclaim, recycle and re invent the old unloved uglies into his own precious masterpieces. 

Im a big believer in mistakes. Ive lived the heroes journey and had more than one dark night of the soul.  I know in my bones, that our biggest mistakes are our best teachers. Ok so if your sitting in the middle of the schmack down, you aren't looking at it in such a loving way, but I know for sure, that if you search for it's lesson, you will soon find your greatest strengths are found in the old crappy outdated thrift store oil painting that was discarded. Throw on a little Jesso, break some rules, dig deep and watch yourself transform from discarded to regarded. Re frame your new masterpiece and look with new eyes at your potential. High on the experience, proudly sign your name on your new artful creation.  

Rumi always has a way with words...

"Let the beauty of what you love, be what you do! There are a hundred ways to kneel and kiss the earth" 

Go people, make art out of your precious beings. Create, evolve and soar. Break some rules, and be interesting!! 

Carpe Diem 

Seize the day!

Creepy Crawlies make great totems

Are you afraid of that creepy crawly spider that makes its way into your space? Give the little guy a chance, perhaps it is a magical animal totem with a message. 

"Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect." 

~Chief Seattle

Spider is the weaver of stories, dreams, illusions, fate. Spider is often seen as linking past to future.

You have a talent for writing, and can weave words in creative ways that can often affect others in deep ways. Spider is guardian of all ancient languages and alphabets. Many attribute the very first letters to the patterns and angles formed by a spider's web.  Spider is considered to be the teacher of languages and the magic of writing - it may be time to write creatively - without the constraints of form, tradition or habit.

They are associated often with the number 8 and are said to be the keepers of the internal plan of creation. The spider is considered to be associated with the Earth element. Several American Indian tribes tell the story of Grandmother Spider. She is said to have spun the web of life and that all living creatures, beasts, and humans are interconnected through her web. Every life touches another via the intricate, complicated, interwoven threads.

Transformation of the Shaman #12

This bronze statue is called "Transformation of the shaman" The original, life size sits in the healing gardens at the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix Arizona. There were 22 smaller castings made to raise money for the installation. Pat Mathieson, the artist, was commissioned to create a memorial for a Dr. at the hospital who passed away from cancer. Pat's love for the native american traditions, and her great respect for women, led her to the vision of this healing statue. The Dr. loved birds, and Pat wanted to capture the transformation and healing vision in the cape, as it turns into Eagle feathers. The eagle is a powerful totem suggesting that we can see the bigger picture as we coast on the thermals, transforming one way of being into something else, perhaps better.  Pat told me that she received a call from a nurse at the hospital shortly after the installation was complete. There was a tribe of Hopi sitting in a circle around the statue in prayer, as their patriarch Elder was in surgery at that moment. She felt honored that her art was transformed into a place of gathering and healing, hope and love.  Pat also told me that at the time of the installation, the first lady of Iraq was at the mayo clinic receiving treatment. She was so moved by the energy of this statue, she took one home with her.  The cast of this shaman, made available 40 castings, only 22 have been cast so far. She thinks that the number has tapered, keeping this collection small and elite. 

Christmas morning,  2012 I opened a small box with a pair of labradorite celtic earrings. In the silken bag, was a note that said, "put these magical stones on and join a special someone in your bead room. 

I didn't have my reading glasses on and what I read was "put these magical stones on and join a special someone in your "BEDROOM." I was confused and wondering why my husband was asking me to join someone in our bedroom.  All of our children and my husband stood up waiting for me to lead the way. I headed for the bedroom, and was met with a shout "where are you going?" Perplexed I replied, to the bedroom, the note said there is someone special in our bedroom. My husband laughed and said, "NO, it said your BEAD room."  My bead room, is my art studio where I make jewelry, meditate, and create. 

So now with new bearings, I headed to my studio. When I opened the door,  I was met by my someone special, in all of her glory, standing on top of my jembe drum, casting number 12 "Transformation of the shaman." 

What a perfect Talisman to add to our home. So symbolic of my own journey, this fine art will be much loved and adored in my sanctuary.  I was able to find the artist on line, and contacted her. We had such a lovely conversation, and she shared with me her process, and love for inspiration of the native americans who are so deeply rooted in their spiritual path. She is a brilliant artist, I feel honored to own #12 of currently only 22 castings. Her web site showcases her lovely work, I invite you to have a look. 

http://www.patmathiesen.com  She is a treasure and a gift. 

Gratitude this holiday season!

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance,chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."

Melody Beattie

It is with deepest gratitude that I sit in awe of the bounty of blessings that I witness every day! We jump for joy, in our expressions of love, laughter, and pure giddy delight. May you all have a year full of abundance and gratitude!

L'amour en cage, {Love in cage}

L'amour en cage, Love in cage

What are these walls that are suck to my soul, like mortar? Invisible most of my life, yet palpable now. They have marked the territory of my sweetness, protecting it high on the hill with a moat, and crocodiles, and dragons. Not even I, had known how to get into the inner palace. I had lived decades oblivious that there was a sweet spot inside of my own soul, that has been waiting patiently, so that I may gain access to the She, that is inside.

Cracking open a space for entrance, is gaining access to the ancestral and maternal sacred feminine. The women that have gone before me have spent centuries in fragile bondage. My time has come, to step into the inner chamber of the heart, to heal the wounds of the "She" that weave back in time. Women have been trying to break down the walls for far to long. I found the secret entrance. A feminine way to the nectar of the soul. I found the hinge.  {hinge [ hinj ] vital: something on which a subsequent action or an outcome depends} Once its location is determined, It needs to be cleaned up. Threads of genetic information have rusted and halted its operation. The walls seem fixed and solid, but I know better. I must do my own work, chiseling away old beliefs, and patterns that no longer serve, or apply. Sometimes I have to work in the dark, and rely on my inner guidance to navigate each detail of the old rusty hinge. Why would I want to break down such a beautiful wall when I can open it, giving it a new purpose, allowing it to breathe. These walls inhale with an ebb and flow like the waves of the ocean. They open and close offering protection, and vulnerability. 

I planted this Physalis, this year anticipating its transformation. It starts its life with a solid form surrounding it. As the seasons progress, and it grows, ages, ripens and falls to the ground, magic happens. Just like the walls of my soul, parts of it fall away exposing the skeleton of its creation. Deep inside is a beautiful berry, its seed, its soul. Still protected by the delicate skeleton, this berry is able to re-seed and spawn a new generation. The French call it "L'amour en cage" Translation "Love in cage." Physalis is a symbol of lost love, that still lives in the heart.. Lost love that will stay with you forever. 
The sweet spot of my soul like this berry has a delicate cage, with well oiled hinges that can swing to and fro as I need the attached walls to open and close. This action of clearing out the old, has allowed for a new outcome going forward. I will teach my children how to oil the hinges on their walls, so that when they open the door, they will behold the beauty and magic that is their soul.  When we do our work in the present moment, we heal the past and change the future. How? Don't think you must break down your walls. Not only are they protection, but they house your gifts. Instead, find their hinges, heal the ancestral patterns that have kept generations stuck, and clean them up. By doing this you can close them when you need to protect your heart, and open them when it feels safe to share it. Find your hinge.

"The seed cannot know what is going to happen, the seed has never known the flower. And the seed cannot even believe that he has the potentiality to become a beautiful flower. Long is the journey, and it is always safer not to go on that journey because unknown is the path, nothing is guaranteed. Nothing can be guaranteed. Thousand and one are the hazards of the journey, many are the pitfalls - and the seed is secure, hidden inside a hard core. But the seed tries, it makes an effort; it drops the hard shell which is its security, it starts moving. Immediately the fight starts: the struggle with the soil, with the stones, with the rocks. And the seed was very hard and the sprout will be very, very soft and dangers will be many. There was no danger for the seed, the seed could have survived for millennia, but for the sprout many are the dangers. But the sprout starts towards the unknown, towards the sun, towards the source of light, not knowing where, not knowing why. Great is the cross to be carried, but a dream possesses the seed and the seed moves. The same is the path for man. It is arduous. Much courage will be needed."

I waited all year to take this photo. I was so excited to find the first Physalis, that had revealed the berry under the skeleton of its leaf.  "Look deep into nature and then you will understand everything better" ~Einstein

Rabindra the rock star shares his Hunues

It was a beautiful day in San Diego. My husband, friends and I were wandering around Seaport village. It's a great tourist spot that I had never visited in the 15 years that San Diego has been my second home.  

It's a small village with several eclectic stores and restaurants. In the court yard was a man playing his charming and magical electric flute. Along the board walk, there were several portable tables and tents featuring local artisans, palm readers, fortune tellers, a man with an entourage of parrots.  Continuing along the boardwalk, I had to stop when I saw this man. His name is Rabindra Sarkar. He is from Calcutta India.  He stacks these rocks and accepts donations for a photo. I had to ask him what he calls these stunning rock towers. With very broken english he said "Hunues" {hoo-news} I was expecting him to call them Cairnes. Rock Cairnes have been built for centuries marking trails, graves and used in vision quests.  Rabindra, went on to explain that Hunues is an energetic state of being or connection to the stone that is required to create this sort of tower. Without Hunues, the rocks will not balance. It's a meditative state or another way of holding prayer in your soul. He went on to tell me that in Nepal, the villagers live at a very high altitude, and this is their meditation. They stack rock towers, balancing heavy rocks, at impossible angles creating stunning formations.  Rabindra handed me a small rock and asked me to balance it on the  lid of a water bottle. He showed me once and made it look so easy. I figured it would be a slam dunk. Haa, not the case.  I knew right away that this was a challenge that would not be easy. I tried and tried and could not balance a single rock. I overheard him talking about his Guru. He said that people come to her for healing and have felt better after a simple hug.  "Rabindra, have you hugged your Guru?" I asked. "Yes I have." He said. "Well if you hug me then maybe I will get the hunues and can stack this rock." He smiled and gave me a very heart felt hug. (I really did feel calmer) I returned to my rock took a deep breath, and stood in awe as my rock held its own on top of that water bottle. Rabnidra said, "You have good Hunues." You have to be very calm, and centered, I realized how easy it is to loose that state of mind, body and soul, bustling about every day. I found a new meditation that I can relate to.  One day I hope to build a tower. 

Here is the rock and water bottle where I found my "Hunues" {hoo-news} 

I am always surprised, when subtle things stand out and have the opportunity to be game changers. Meeting this sweet man stacking rocks was one of those moments. He gave me a new meditation that is practical and right up my ally.